Mental Health Series with Mary Mosier Part 2

[00:00:00] Rob Howe: Quick announcement before this episode, got some good stuff for you guys here. This episode, we are joined by Mary Mosier, licensed marriage and family therapist and a person with diabetes living with T1D. She previously visited us on episode 199, where we talked a lot about therapy and trauma and grief associated around diagnosis with diabetes. and we realized there were a lot of things that we didn't have time in that episode to cover that are instrumental to a person with diabetes journey with mental health and also starting therapy. So for November, 2022, National Diabetes Awareness Month, we're dedicating our content towards mental health. And we have a new page on diabeticsdoingthings.com, diabeticsdoingthings.com slash mental dash health. So slash mental dash health. And on that page, you can find all of the episodes in this series with Mary Mosier, but also we're going to be posting previous episodes related to mental health on that page. And most of all, during November, 2022, we are giving away four scholarships to see Mary Mosier and to get five therapy sessions with her. So four scholarships, five sessions each say that five times fast, four scholarships, five sessions each. And And in order for you to win, you must live in California. So what I'd like for you guys to do is to, if you live in California, go to diabeticsdivingthings.com slash mental health and enter the giveaway or send it to someone that you know with diabetes living in California. There are five episodes in this series and the first episode is also broadcast in Spanish. So it's our first Spanish only episode on the podcast. So shout out to Andrea and for Mary Mosier for being willing to do that in both languages. So again, check out diabeticsdoingthings.com slash mental health during November, National Diabetes Awareness Month 2022. All right, let's get to the episode with Mary Mosier. Mary, thank you so much for being here today. We're starting our series on practical applications for people with diabetes, and I can think of no better place to start than with mental health and mindfulness. So for all of our listeners, let's start at square one. What is mindfulness? And like, what does it mean to you? I don't think we need to look at a dictionary definition, but let's talk about mindfulness and awareness.

[00:02:23] Mary Mosier: Yeah. Happy to be here. And yes, so I like to kind of just simplify it, honestly. So no dictionary definitions here. But I just like to think about mindfulness as being present in this moment. Because I think we can all get really stuck with whatever happened earlier in the day and just like our whatever our trauma histories or, you know, our lived experiences. And a lot of times a lot of us are living in the past and we can get really stuck there. Right. So the idea of mindfulness is to bring you back to you in this moment and recognize safety and okayness at the very least. right and work toward moments of peace moments of joy that can be part of that mindfulness but i i always say starting with okayness like i'm okay and then work our way up to things that are more pleasing and joyful right what are some of the things that you think

[00:03:26] Rob Howe: and i'll obviously contribute to this as well sure it's hard to live in the present sometimes and especially sort of the 24-7 social media scrolling with people with diabetes, there's device interruptions and anxieties about blood sugar or, you know, dealing, like you said, living in the past with maybe missing a dose or miscalculating carbs or something as simple as that. How do you be where your feet are? What are some of the ways that you personally, you know,

[00:03:56] Mary Mosier: practice mindfulness in your life? So I, I'm like, I think you both already know, I'm really big into nature and I know not all folks have access. I know I have a car that can drive to the trails. I also am a person that likes to have green in my home. So plants can be helpful if you don't live in spaces where you have very clean air or maybe your community's like really, really loud. So can I afford earplugs or can I engage in something that can be grounding for me? So I don't have the answers right now to like, what would make my body feel good? Or what would be pleasurable right now? Or what would be visually pleasing if I have my sense of sight, right? So I always encourage folks to start with whatever that strongest of their five senses. we have the privilege of having all five. What is the strongest one? So maybe if we live in a space that is too loud, I'm putting in my earplugs and listening to music, right? So I think music can be really healing, really comforting. You can feel a lot of connection and that could be what your grounding practice looks like. I know when I started meditating, I like to be directed. That feels better that that way I don't have to like count all the things so I like some of those that kind of guide you into your breath and kind of reminding you to come back to you so I think a lot of us struggle with like target list or did I pay that thing so just even going back to okay this is really hard right now so maybe the stillness isn't how I'm gonna get to that mindful moment. Maybe my body is needing movement so I can release some of this emotional energy that's within me. So mindfulness can look like me rocking back and forth, side to side. It can be the way that I stretch. Again, with music, I think that that's really a great source for me, especially when I have a busy day. For other folks that I work with that like to work with temperatures, It might be like a splash of cold water, holding ice on those extra warm parts of your body. So you might have like an ice pack or vegetables that you know you're never going to eat in your freezer. And then we're going to put that pack in the back of our neck, maybe under our pits. So things like that can be a little bit easier. And then thinking about textures. So I'm a person that really likes to touch. So what textures are soothing to me?

[00:06:35] Rob Howe: Are they cool?

[00:06:36] Mary Mosier: Are they soft? Are they a little rougher? And then with our sense of smell, are you a person that likes the diffuser, essential oils, florals, pine? Is there a certain scent that brings you to a good memory? So I know with folks that I've worked with that have had trauma experiences, they might utilize a specific scent. So we might make something like this. I have these all the time. so this is just a little essential oil bottle with the oil and water some people mix coconut oil as well but things like that like is there a scent that is grounding for you so for me earthy scents are my thing that that is really grounding when i can't get to earth like an earthy space that feels really warm and good for other folks is taking their shoes off even like rolling your neck like this. So it doesn't have to be anything dynamic or lengthy. And if you're a person that likes to move your body, maybe dancing, or like I said, swing, those are all good things to try. I'm not big on taste, but I know some folks that is really regulating to be able to maybe choose some ice or something spicy or something minty or something sweet to kind of bring you back to you, if that feels like that's the strongest sense for you.

[00:08:03] Rob Howe: I love that. And I think so many times, I think we as humans think of mindfulness or meditation or awareness as something to be completed, like a task to be done. And I think it's really not that. It really is more curiosity as to what you as the individual need in that moment. So what do I need in this moment where I'm trying to curate mindfulness, it looks different for everyone, which I think is really also a lot goes really well in parallel with diabetes, because as we know, there's not one way to treat diabetes. Everybody has their own mix. And I think that that parallel for people listening to this podcast, I hope resonates because words like meditation can be kind of intimidating as like, you know, something to master. And I think like for a type a person like myself, it can be sometimes frustrating to start a practice and feel like you're not improving at it or you're not as good at it as you maybe expected yourself to be. And that in itself is sort of awareness. And that stillness and curiosity and awareness means that

[00:09:07] Mary Mosier: you're doing it right. Yeah. And then exactly. So it's not like what Rob's doing, what Andrea is doing, what I'm doing. If you're just kind of like, yep, nature or like stillness sounds awful. some of our some of the way that we can meditate and ground it does involve a ton of being for some folks so I work with folks that are like stillness feels really counter intuitive for me because that's actually not grounding so that's why we talk about like rocking like swaying kind of I kind of give this example especially for those that are more visually inclined like imagine like the golden hour imagine the sunlight through the trees try to match the movement of those branches so moving side to side for other people doing like excessive kind of movement really quickly just for a few seconds to get you back to your midline to help you move through the rest of the day so i think that that's such an important important point, Rob, because my meditation might look so different than yours. You could be sitting like on a meditation pillow. Mine could be walking through the neighborhood, focusing on trees and counting all the trees and noticing how I'm feeling when I see trees. And for Andrea, it could be like, I'm jamming out to the song and I'm dancing. And that's also well and good. And there's no comparison of what's better, how long, what's the right amount, wrong amount, because you're really trying to be curious about learning your body as you meditate.

[00:10:44] Rob Howe: Yeah, I think that's what's really important in that curiosity element is to figure out what works for me, the individual. And it could be, you know, for example, on paper or, you know, the way that I think the connotative and the connotation around mindfulness maybe doesn't seem like listening to heavy metal while going for a jog. But for somebody that could be a practice that could spark their joy, you know, and I think it doesn't always have to be, you know, on a meditation pillow over a beautiful waterfall with Enya playing in the background. It can look very different for people. And that's not to not to say that people who practice looks like that is wrong. But for me, I guess on a daily, weekly basis, I have sort of a checklist of things that I do. And the good news is, as I've learned over the years, when I need to curate a mindful moment, either going outside, getting some sunshine, getting some movement, drinking some water, all of those things are good for you on their own as well. So I think finding the loop between and the connection between really good things to do for yourself and things that spark joy is a great awareness and mindfulness practice that I've been fortunate to curate in my life because we are living back to the beginning of the conversation. where the demands on our time and our energy have really never been more high. And, you know, you can get a text or an email that could potentially send you spiraling. And do you have the checkpoints and do you have the tools available to help deal with those when those happen?

[00:12:21] Mary Mosier: Yeah. Yeah. And then also if there is an email that could send you spiraling or, you know, like you've reached your emotional bandwidth or your space for work or people in your life. Like, what, what am I cutting out? Am I going to put my, my phone on airplane mode on silent, like, and not check emails after six o'clock. So that's, that's like just even just a general boundary to have as we think about our mental health and diabetes, like in, and acknowledging like, Hey, this, this really sucks today. So what, what is the one thing I can control? Like, what's one thing that I can do?

[00:12:59] Rob Howe: That's a great transition to talking about mindfulness and diabetes. And I think the title of this segment is being mindful about your diabetes without judgment. So acknowledging maybe a out of range blood sugar or a glucose excursion or an insulin excursion, how do you, and when you work with your patients as well with the diabetes interruptions and the diabetes sort of cloud that lives in your mind sort of 24-7. How do you practice mindfulness in your diabetes

[00:13:29] Mary Mosier: management? Yeah. So like a specific example, like for me, so I sometimes tend to run low, just the general business and I bolus and I'm like, oh crap, I didn't eat the food or I forgot to do this. So that tends to be my thing. So I might have like lows all night. So in the morning when I wake up the next day, I'm like, okay, I'm not going to be feeling 100% today. So what can I do to improve my day? So I make sure like I open all the windows, I go for a morning walk, I might treat myself to a matcha latte. They have a great matcha latte down the street where I live. So just even doing like, I'm going to get out of my house, get out of this experience for this second before I'm on my day. And for someone else, they might not have that access so what is that song that's that's gonna do it for me like am I feeling like Rage Against the Machine because things are feeling like really unjust today or do I need a little Enya because I need some softness so whatever whatever that looks like and and I think just even acknowledging like gosh this this this is rough right and And I'm going to hold space for the idea that I'm going to have more control at some points and that there's going to be ebbs and flows, that diabetes is going to have really good days with me and there's going to be days that suck. And then who are my people? Who are my people? Who are the people I can reach out to? Sometimes I'm working with folks that are like, I don't want to be around the diabetes community. Like, I don't want that. I have enough diabetes going in the knee. So who's your person? And while other folks feel really nurtured and have this great energy and release by being surrounded, being around the community. So just even knowing that, right. And like with the practicing of non-judgment to, to acknowledge, like, you know, I might be thinking that this sucks or it's not going to get better, but that doesn't make an effect right so even when we think about the feelings that we're having this feeling is not my identity right so i i read like a post by this irish therapist that in gaelic they say depression is on me or anger is on me instead of saying i'm feeling depressed or i'm feeling angry week so i like that way of looking at feelings that this is what's on me right now but it's not going to forever be with me and i might have that some flows with it right where i'm like super angry feeling really depressed but it's not going to be it and always this way i i really like that

[00:16:27] Rob Howe: because i think there's a level of honesty that you have to have with yourself when you're you those questions but there's also a level of honesty you need with yourself to say this isn't forever or this will not be my situation always and kind of allowing yourself to zoom out a little bit and say well you know i know that this will pass this is my reality today but i i don't have to live here forever and i think there's a there's a quote about failure it's like it's not final and And it's not fatal. And I'm paraphrasing. It's like, we can't, we can't fail in micro moments all the time. And it's okay to acknowledge that, but it's also important to acknowledge that we

[00:17:08] Mary Mosier: can learn from those and that we can't bounce back. And then if we think about like non-judgment too, like our, our brains, just like the way that they're made is, is to protect us. So it's like, I'm not trying to keep you from pain. So every human's awful because you had an awful human experience or like this isn't safe because you had an experience of lack of safety so to even just tell yourself or your body like I'm okay I don't have to jump in survival mode right now you don't have to say it literally like me but anxiety thank you for trying to protect me I don't need your protection today this is how I'm gonna move and it's okay to speak to yourself that way or say the thing that could help with just creating a little bit more softness I I'm glad

[00:17:54] Rob Howe: you brought up self-talk because I think that I'll share about my personal self-talk that I had to be aware of is that I was practicing self-talk, but my self-talk was overly negative towards myself. And I thought that that was the way that I responded and thought it was like my learning, but then I examined it and said, well, is this required? Is this how I really want to speak to myself? And even little changes to that have made a big difference for me. So I think as you're examining that self-talk and make sure that you're treating yourself like you would treat somebody else. For me, I would never treat somebody else the way that I was treating myself. And that really unlocked for me a new language and a new communication pattern with my own self. Yeah. You mentioned something that was really important is that access to your state of mindfulness and the things that fill you up with joy and the things that are good practices don't look the same for everyone. So what are, in your experience, and I can add some as well, some good free tools for people to use and good places to start for those who may not have access to some of the tools that we've talked about? Yes.

[00:19:06] Mary Mosier: So if you do have access to like internet or a smartphone, I think YouTube in general is a great resource, especially when you type in like guided meditations or like even just you're trying to understand the brain, right? Or like your nervous system or self-soothing practices. And these are things that we can all look at. There's also UCLA has in a ton of different languages, not just English and Spanish, has this meditation resource on their website. And it's also a free app. So if you download it, it's like free forever as long as I know. I know a lot of, there's a lot of other apps that they do charge a fee and if that's within your budget, they do have some really great meditation practices and like resources to add on. I think are really great.

[00:20:02] Rob Howe: And just to let all of our listeners know, we will include a list of free resources that we recommend, the app that you mentioned, as well as some of the other meditation apps that do charge a fee but have programs in place for those who cannot access it from a financial perspective. So we will include those. And also, I think, you know, you mentioned a few things that are always sort of free. Walking outside, although that may not be as calm in some places for some people. You know, getting some fresh air, looking at the sun. Obviously, those are, if you live in a dense populated area, maybe not as relaxing as if you were in a park or had access to that. But, you know, some of the most important.

[00:20:44] Mary Mosier: Yeah, like a shower or a bath. I was going to say that was my favorite. So growing up, I grew up very economically disadvantaged in the house with four brothers and one bathroom. And the one thing we could always do for free is take a shower. So my favorite thing to do, because I went to therapy when I was a kid, was use my five senses in the shower. So it was like, what did I see? Soap says I smell the soap and I would like really breathe it in and really try to engage those five senses and like center myself in the shower. That was like my safe space. and it still is now as a grown-up.

[00:21:15] Rob Howe: I also think...

[00:21:17] Mary Mosier: Oh, go ahead.

[00:21:18] Rob Howe: I was going to say another free tool that's usually in every house is a playlist to take a nap or a 10-minute kind of non-sleep deep rest. There are free protocols as well on YouTube if you have access to the internet. So yeah, recommend that as well. Maybe not all day, but you never know.

[00:21:36] Mary Mosier: Yeah, when Mary said the five senses, I was like, girl, I took so many showers. Yeah. And I think even just like, I know some people will be like, that sounds a little like wishy-washy or like too hippy-dippy or whatever, right? Like woo-woo, all that kind of stuff. But really that all of these things come from varying cultures, right? So just even learning to honor those things. Like I know like earthing is something that's really popular. That's the word that everyone's using for walking barefoot on dirt or grass, right? So like, if I have access to that and connecting with the earth, like, can I take my shoes off? Like, and do that or like going back to the shower thing. I do those. I, I give folks the language for those shower meditations and encourage everybody to modify anything that I say that does or doesn't resonate. Right. So with a shower meditation, I may just have someone as, as the water's hitting their head and like the water's rolling down your body. Like, what are we letting go? what are we imagining that's going down the drain and kind of being through that in your own way and as you're taking a deep breath and you're breathing in what is something that you're welcoming or trying to notice that you're grateful for because even when we're surrounded by things that aren't so good they're still like I have a plant in my house and it's still alive or I have this friend that I can reach out to or I have this pet that's always here so just even even those little things that can be the start of grounding or meditating or connecting with our senses even even old pictures of people that we love things like that could be a thing that we use to bring us back to like a good moment when we're struggling a little stress.