Mental Health Series with Mary Mosier Part 1 (English)

[00:00:00] Rob Howe: Quick announcement before this episode, got some good stuff for you guys here. This episode, we are joined by Mary Mosier, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a person with diabetes living with T1D. She previously visited us on episode 199, where we talked a lot about therapy and trauma and grief associated around diagnosis with diabetes. and we realized there were a lot of things that we didn't have time in that episode to cover that are instrumental to a person with diabetes journey with mental health and also starting therapy. So for November, 2022, National Diabetes Awareness Month, we're dedicating our content towards mental health. And we have a new page on diabeticsdoingthings.com, diabeticsdoingthings.com slash mental dash health. So slash mental dash health. And on that page, you can find all of the episodes in this series with Mary Mosier, but also we're going to be posting previous episodes related to mental health on that page. And most of all, during November, 2022, we are giving away four scholarships to see Mary Mosier and to get five therapy sessions with her. So four scholarships, five sessions each say that five times fast four scholarships five sessions each and in order for you to win you must live in california so what i'd like for you guys to do is to if you live in california go to diabetics doing things.com mental health and enter the giveaway or send it to someone that you know with diabetes living in california there are five episodes in this series and the first episode is also broadcast in spanish so it's our first spanish only episode on the podcast. So shout out to Eritrea and for Mary Mosier for being willing to do that in both languages. So again, check out diabeticsdoingthings.com slash mental health during November National Diabetes Awareness this month, 2022. All right, let's get to the episode with Mary Mosier. Okay, Mary, so let's talk about practical advice about therapy. How, if I'm looking to get started with a therapy practice, how should I do that?

[00:02:12] Mary Mosier: So I would for sure encourage you to think about like the business side, maybe first, like, so am I going to use my insurance if I have it? If I'm wanting to use an out of network provider. I need to ask my insurance. I'm working with an out of network provider that's going to provide a super bill. What's going to be my reimbursement rate? right and then your insurance will tell you we don't reimburse at all you get 10 of whatever that rate is right and then asking the therapist um or as you're searching there's a ton of directories like psychology today therapy for latinx therapy for black girls um inclusive therapist um lgbt specific directories as well uh that can be really helpful to kind of help you narrow down what kind of provider you're wanting to work for. With, not for. So for sure, like, if you are like a certain ethnicity or you're wanting someone to take a holistic approach, I'm going to be looking for holistic approach or like a body awareness therapist. I might work with a somatic therapist. I'm wanting to do attachment work or inner child healing work. I'm going to be looking for those key words. So it just really depends on like what you are wanting to work on and what how much time you want to dedicate to that specific work that you're wanting to do. Right. So that's for sure.

[00:03:53] Rob Howe: I think, too, that's like a perfect transition to the follow up question, because like as a person with diabetes, like is there a specialized type of therapist that I should be looking for?

[00:04:04] Mary Mosier: Yeah. So most folks will have that work with folks with medical conditions. So they might have in their blurb, in their bios, or as a keyword, you can put in like chronic illness. So if someone is diagnosed with cancer, you can look for that. And those most folks that work with folks with chronic illnesses will have that pre-labeled when you're looking at their bios. It'll say like, I work with LGBT folks or I work with folks that have experienced crime or folks of this age range. Like for myself, the primary work that I do is somatic work and inner child healing work. And I also clearly state that I work with folks, uh, chronic illness and it just so happens that I happen to be a diabetic as well. Um, but it, those kinds of things are usually clearly labeled in the therapist files when you're looking at directories. Perfect. And just so listeners know

[00:05:12] Rob Howe: in the show notes of this episode, you can find links to everything that Mary has mentioned as well as some other, uh, links and resources that we've included to help connect you with, uh, the

[00:05:21] Mary Mosier: right therapist in your area. Yeah. And then also when you just, just like you just said about the right therapist. So there is an interviewing process, right? So you're going to maybe interview five therapists or some people it's like the first one that they really clicked with and they're like, cool, I'm done looking and that's awesome. Other folks may need to talk to a few people and you don't have to commit. I think sometimes people are like, Ooh, I just spoke with this therapist for 20 minutes, gosh, now they're going to ask me to schedule. I personally will encourage folks to like talk to whoever and as many people they want to. And then if they feel comfortable with me to call me back and schedule that session. Other therapists will try to get you to schedule it right after that conversation. And that's how they work. And that's okay, too. You can say I'm interviewing a few therapists and I will certainly get back to you. I appreciate you taking time to speak with me. And that's also helpful. You're not going to hurt someone's feelings if you tell them like, I'm going to keep looking, but thank you so much for your time.

[00:06:28] Rob Howe: I also think it's a good way to vibe check, like how to work with someone because it is work. You know, like you are, like you mentioned earlier, there's going to be homework. There's going to be, it's not just the 45 minutes or an hour a week or every other week, uh, learning what it's like to work with someone, uh, especially, you know, if, if that, you know, initial, uh, you know, vibe check seems off, like that's probably a sign that maybe, maybe there's another therapist out there for you. Maybe not always, but you know, just a good thing to be mindful

[00:06:59] Mary Mosier: of during that process. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Cause you, I always encourage folks at the start of the call pay attention to how you're feeling as we're talking not all therapists do that but I think that just in general like how am I feeling as we're talking or are they understanding me based off their follow-up questions and then also the questions that you might have for that clinician like how do you incorporate intersectionality that's important like what's your understanding of my culture if they happen to not be of the same ethnicity i know sometimes with folks that i work with that are like multi-ethnic like me they're like i know you're multi-ethnic i might have to explain things to you um you can certainly ask a therapist like who they voted for as well because we want to feel safe with whoever we're working with like right or like what are your thoughts on this issue because this is concerning for me so we're not necessarily going to collaborate on politics and get like all kinds of deep on it but you want to you want to know that the person that you're working with feels safe to you and if those cultural components are essential um you want to talk about that like have you worked with someone that has diabetes or chronic illness like um how do you support people with this issue like i want to do attachment work what would that look like if i brought this issue to you right so whatever you can ask essentially whatever question um that you're seeking answers to

[00:08:39] Rob Howe: i totally agree and i think if you can't get to that safe space or you don't feel comfortable that's also a sign uh because ultimately like in your therapy work you're going to want to have a safe space to to unearth those things and deal with them together and i think that's a really important piece of it. But I also want to acknowledge that there are probably people listening to this episode who have never experienced an appointment with a therapist before and gone through that process. So for somebody who's new to therapy, what does that process look like and what should they expect out of a session?

[00:09:14] Mary Mosier: Yeah. So say you were like, cool, I like this therapist. And what you would do is like exchange information. Most, a good chunk of therapists these days do everything through electronic means. So oftentimes we'll have you set up your profile, fill out your history, a little bit about your childhood, just general information like your credit card, debit card info, demographics, all that, all those basics, and then like scheduling the time, right, of sessions. So what is, what is that going to look like? What's a good day? And kind of moving from there. And then our first session would look like kind of this getting to know you things. So some folks that I work with will, when they fill out that, that questionnaire, it's pretty extensive. Some, some questions are heavy. So I always let folks know that there's a question that feels like a little bit too much, or you're not ready to answer, you can let me know or write in that questionnaire. We'll talk to you about it in session, not on this paper, and that's okay. So that's also something to know. And even as you're going through that getting to know you phase, you can ask therapists more questions, ask to go a little more slowly, but really the first session is the time to kind of get to know a little bit about your history as the client and also ask me questions or ask the therapist questions like, I know you said this work or that you do somatic work. What does that look like? Or I know that I need help with managing my anxiety. These are things that I've tried that don't work. Like what would you suggest? So, and that getting to know you phase, like for some folks takes a longer time. So a few sessions in and for other folks are kind of like, let me tell you about the thing. I hope you run my questionnaire because I want to talk about the thing today. And that's what we're doing. Right. And oftentimes that first session will include assessing for safety. Right. So I might ask folks about their suicidal thoughts, like self-harm experiences, things like that, just to make sure that you're enough resource and you have the supports you need starting on that first day.

[00:11:42] Rob Howe: Yeah, I totally agree. And thank you for digging into that as well, because I think our greatest fears lie in the unknown. And people kind of, it might be out of their comfort zone to get and have a personal conversation like that with who is effectively a stranger on day one and you build that relationship. And you do it over time. And I think that's another thing that I think is an important question to address is that everybody's time frame doesn't look the same. And I think I and my therapist and I have worked together on different cadences. We've been working together for a little over three years now. And certainly we're not working on the same things that we were working on on day one specifically, but we've grown in our, you know, therapeutic patient and doctor relationship has evolved over time. so for somebody who's like you know just kind of understanding or curious about what the commitment might look like you know what is what is the right time frame for seeing a therapist yeah so

[00:12:33] Mary Mosier: again depending on like what your need is the time frame will be different um i know some folks will come in they are having some difficulties with their financial resources and like i know that it is ideal to see a therapist weekly just to kind of build that relationship a little quicker However, I don't have the budget for that. Like, can we start with every other week? So we talk about like, if that's appropriate, not appropriate. I think that's important to know. And then also some folks will need it for therapy for a specific experience. Other folks will need therapy for a longer period of time. And again, there's no like right or wrong length of time. I think if someone's not feeling improvement or they're feeling really stagnant, like, why is that? Like, is it something that the therapist isn't doing or you're not doing? Or maybe these techniques or this type of therapy is not the best for you realizing that. So sometimes I know folks will say like, well, my therapist said that they didn't want to work with me anymore because they didn't see me improve. and I'm like, probably what they were saying is maybe you're needing a different type of resource. So they're not breaking up with you. They just want you to get the support you need or like you with your therapist. Like I feel like this, I don't feel like we're moving. So having that conversation, I think is really, really important and it can feel uncomfortable at first. But my hope is that the therapist will be like, okay, let's get you the right resource. Let's get you a different therapist in this season because you might need that.

[00:14:19] Rob Howe: I agree. And I think I have had some of those conversations with my therapist is like, well, our needs have changed. What do you need? And am I the right person for that? I think is a curiosity that, you know, for me, I love it was a refreshing time because, you know, there it was I was I felt validated that I had a partner that was working with me on improvement and they were curious as to how they could, you know, help me with the new challenges that we were facing. And that honestly validated me even more in working together with them longer term just because they were aware of that. And it was really nice to hear.

[00:14:54] Mary Mosier: Yeah. And I, and I, that's such a good thing. And I love to hear that a therapist is asking, you know, cause I think as we're getting to the year mark, I do like check-ins throughout the year when I'm working with someone as As far as like what they're feeling like empowered with or needing extra support or do I need to model that technique a little bit more for you? Or use myself as the example because you feel uncomfortable about doing the breathing technique with me. So also like paying attention to someone's like temperament and respecting where someone is also because we don't want to push someone. We do want to nudge them a little and be like, hey. I'm seeing this stuckness. So what are we going to do with this, right? How can I support you with this? But definitely not feeling like someone's pushing you before you're ready. I think that that would be like a red flag if you're not feeling heard, you're not feeling comfortable enough to speak your mind, right? Because therapy should be a space where you are saying all the things, all the thoughts, all the feelings, right?

[00:16:08] Rob Howe: Yeah, it should be that space where you have that space to be honest and to, you know, those things that are uncomfortable maybe or not appropriated in other scenarios. Like this is your vehicle for that. But what questions do you ask? And I think this is the way that I'm phrasing this is so that our listeners who are entering into a relationship with a therapist or exploring therapy for the first time aren't as maybe surprised by some of the questions they may get from the therapist that they end up choosing. So what questions do you ask a potential patient before you guys get started? What's in your questionnaire just from a general standpoint?

[00:16:45] Mary Mosier: Yeah. So normally when, when someone calls me or they email me, they'll kind of put a little bit of a blurb about like, they might want to work on. So I typically will ask them like, what are you feeling like you need support with? Have you had previous therapy experiences? Like what, what's helping with that experience right now? So if someone's like, Mary, I'm really, really anxious. Okay. Like what's your baseline with, with managing your emotions are the people in your life that can support you. Because I want to know how, how resourced someone is as far as their starting point and like what supports they need and what is the experience that you're having that led you to call me, um, for, for that extra support. So I, I try to keep it, um, simple in that sense. Um, cause I certainly wouldn't want someone to overshare something and then they're not ready to share it. So I just even kind of say like, tell me a little bit about what you want to work on and like what resonated with you as far as working with me to see how I can support and just going off from that baseline.