Diabetics Doing Improv at Dallas Comedy House

[00:00:07] Rob Howe: Welcome to the Diabetics Doing Things podcast. We've been telling the amazing stories of type 1 diabetics all across the world since 2015, and we have over a thousand years of living with T1D on the podcast. The interviews range from incredible feats to everyday victories, and we celebrate them all just the same. Thanks for listening, and if you want to get involved even further, just send me an email at rob at diabeticsdoingthings.com. What's going on, everybody? This is Rob Howe from the Diabetics Doing Things podcast. I just want to welcome you to a very special episode of Diabetics Doing Things. This is going to be Diabetics Doing Improv, and that'll feature myself and three other improvising type 1 diabetics who will do an Improv4Humans-style podcast. So what you're going to hear over the next 45 minutes or so is essentially a improvised radio play that was performed live at the Dallas Comedy House late this spring as part of the casual comedy gala that JDRF Dallas let me coordinate and promote and that Scriven Bernard and I, who you'll remember from episode two, put together and wanted to do from a fundraising perspective to give some people who maybe couldn't afford to go to the actual JDRF gala or, you know, always wanted to, you know, participate or donate but didn't have the resources to do that at the big levels. So what we did was we had an awesome afternoon of comedy and we raised some money for JDRF and we also got to have some fun with our other type 1 friends. So every single act that performed in the comedy show that evening featured to type 1 diabetic. And so we got to educate people about what it's like to live with diabetes in between some really fun sketches and improv. So what you're going to hear is myself and Scriven, Lindsay Power from episode 5, and then Eric Van Leeuwen, who has not been on the podcast yet, but will soon for sure doing about 45 minutes of really silly make them up radio play style comedy. So I hope you enjoy. This was recorded live at the Dallas Comedy House. And thanks so much to Dallas Comedy House for allowing us to use the facility and also just building a place where we all could meet as people living with type 1. And I cannot wait for the next event that we'll do with you guys. So remember, this is an event that will raise money for JDRF Dallas, and we had a lot of fun. So I really hope you enjoy diabetics doing improv. It's been downloaded over 150,000 times in 80 countries, but this is the first ever live remote. So this is the first time this has ever happened. So we're live? Well, no, no. This is the first ever live show. We're live to 45 countries right now.

[00:03:07] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: There are 150,000 people listening to us.

[00:03:09] Rob Howe: So we're all here right now. Scriven and Lindsay, first of all, all of us live with type 1 diabetes. We've all had it for at least, I think, five years, right, for Eric, and 20 years for Scriven. And on 21, my diabetes can drink.

[00:03:23] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I'm coming on 20 this, in a month.

[00:03:26] Rob Howe: One month away from 20, and I'm 13. So we all met here at Dallas Comedy House not because of our diabetes, but now we have a group text where we can bitch about our diabetes problems. so we went on Twitter earlier today and what we're going to do is the Improv4Humans-style podcast, Matt Besser and the UCB guys out in LA do so, we'll do basically an improvised radio play so what we're going to do is take a couple of suggestions from Twitter and we'll talk about a story from our own personal lives somehow involving the suggestion and then we'll just jump into radio scenes from there and we'll also ask you guys for some suggestions throughout so we're really looking forward to this yeah cool all right well I got a good I got a really good suggestion from Twitter earlier the first one was when your CGM for those of you guys out there continuous glucose monitor goes off on a first date so your diabetes technology starts to go crazy on a first date Anybody got any stories about that?

[00:04:35] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I mean, I don't wear CGM. I'm like one of the few people that tried it and stopped. But I got divorced about two years ago and had to reenter like the dating world. And I will say just like I try real hard to hide my diabetes on like a first date. So you'll go out for drinks and you'll think, okay, I'm going to order a Miller Lite because there's really no carbs in there. So I won't have to pull out my glucometer. But God forbid, you know, you're like nervous, you're a little shaky. All you want to do is test your blood sugar. You're like, God forbid this person know that I'm a human being without perfect health. I have to go to the bathroom and bring my giant purse and all of my possessions. Not because I think you're going to steal them or run off with them, but because I really need to sit in a toilet stall and test my blood sugar.

[00:05:23] Rob Howe: Carl, do you always bring your backpack with you when you go to the restroom?

[00:05:28] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I have to. I have to prepare, okay? You just never know.

[00:05:32] Rob Howe: All right, well, I just don't know you that well, and it made me nervous, and the waiter asked if you had left me, and I wasn't sure, to be honest.

[00:05:39] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Look, I just, I had to get in there, and I had to get all of my stuff out, because you know what? I'm going to camp out in here.

[00:05:48] Rob Howe: This is a sushi restaurant, Carl. I don't know how long you can stay.

[00:05:51] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yeah, but I'm liking dinner so much that I know I want to do lunch, and the reservation list is really long. Hey, guys. Hi. I'm the manager over here. This couple over here is celebrating their 20th anniversary, and they had a ton of extra cake. Oh. So they just wanted to send over this giant piece.

[00:06:08] Rob Howe: Oh, please, bring us both six pieces. All right, you got it. I'm so stressed out. I need to eat. What about you, Carl?

[00:06:14] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I am going to have to prepare for this. Hold on. Let me get all my medical equipment.

[00:06:17] Rob Howe: No, don't leave. Don't. Stop. Wait. Manager?

[00:06:21] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yes. Oh, yes.

[00:06:23] Rob Howe: Sorry. Yeah, thank you.

[00:06:24] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: So here's your 12 pieces of cake. You said six each, right?

[00:06:28] Rob Howe: Wait, this is more important. Do you think this date is going well? It's been a while since I've been out. I was in a previous relationship for a long time in a different town, and I just don't know if I'm reading too much into this.

[00:06:41] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Well, it's a little awkward to say it in front of the gentleman here, but it is a little weirdo. He keeps going to the bathroom with his backpack. I don't know. But hey, what do I know? I'm just a manager of a sushi restaurant. Hey, yeah, I am back. She saw me. I repainted the bathroom because the color was a very angry red. Oh, no. I couldn't relax when I was in there, so I repainted it green. I hope that's okay. Red makes people hungry.

[00:07:07] Rob Howe: Take away the red pieces of cake. We only need three each now. Take away the red.

[00:07:11] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I'm now nervous and anxious. It's an angry cake. Carl? I'm going to take this cake. I'm going to take this cake with me. I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back. You don't like the cake? What's wrong with the cake over there? Oh, now the man who's celebrating his anniversary is very offended. We've been married for a long time. He made this cake.

[00:07:30] Rob Howe: I was married for a long time, too, but things end. I'm really sorry. Well, you know, I'm not. I thought I was doing fine, but now I just am confused at terminology of new dating life. I understand that. I mean, I don't get being new to dating anymore, but hope everything works out well for you. Sorry about the cake. Not liking it.

[00:07:53] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Hey, I'm back. I recarpeted the lobby area because it was just really not feng shui-ing with the rest, and it was giving me a lot of anxiety. Yeah, I hope that's all right. We actually made all of the decorating choices in this restaurant with purpose and intention. Was the intention to make everyone nervous? Yeah, it was making us very, very nervous. My eye was popping out a little bit out of my head, and I had veins on my neck.

[00:08:19] Rob Howe: It's that red carpet and the men with knives and the fish heads.

[00:08:24] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: It's a sushi restaurant. Tomato, tomato. It's very aggressive. I just replaced all of the knives with plastic spoons. I hope that's okay with you.

[00:08:36] Rob Howe: Carl, do you want to get out of here?

[00:08:38] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I do. You know, I didn't realize how well we were going to connect.

[00:08:45] Rob Howe: All right, well, let's get out then. I'm not even going to pay. I think we've done enough. You know I can hear you, right? You need to pay. You got a free lobby and a bathroom. You're welcome, ma'am. You can put their meal on my tab. They seem real sweet. I think y'all are going to make it. He would know.

[00:09:06] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Carl? I'm sorry. I'm back.

[00:09:10] Rob Howe: Scene. All right.

[00:09:11] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: All right. Cool.

[00:09:16] Rob Howe: Okay. Take another question from Twitter here. Someone asked, do you want real-life diabetes stories or fantasies? Like if I was eating a piece of cake and tasering everyone who asks, should you be eating that?

[00:09:34] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: So like rage, diabetes rage. Oh, my God. When I was in, I think, whatever grade I was in when I was 10, is that fifth, fourth? There was a girl at school, and I was eating. my blood sugar got low and she was just one of those super type a people that was just like like me but like she like had to make sure all the rules were followed and all she knew was like you know from whatever like wikipedia article her grandmother read about diabetes or whatever yeah basically and that's all she knew was like that we couldn't have sugar and so i'm eating a snicker bar because my blood sugar was like 55 and she snatched it out of my hand and threw it in the trash can and was like, you can't eat that. And I got mad. I don't remember what I said. I cussed a lot in fifth grade, so I probably said something I regret. Should you be using that heart monitor, doctor?

[00:10:32] Rob Howe: Yeah, do what you want. This is a very liberal office of medicine. We believe that patients know best.

[00:10:43] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Okay, well, I would love it if you could find a different way to resuscitate the patient because I just, I don't, I know they have heart problems, so I don't think you should be using the defibrillator on them. Oh,

[00:10:53] Rob Howe: you're going to take away my defib?

[00:10:55] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yeah, yeah, I think so. You don't know

[00:10:57] Rob Howe: me, Eileen. You don't know what I like.

[00:11:00] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: What, you like using the defib? Don't you? Well, sure, it gives me a sense

[00:11:05] Rob Howe: of power, but... Right, they're dead. And then they're not. and I hit the button. I'm sorry, I just snuck in. Did you say my husband's dead? Oh, God. For now. But give it time. Give me time. You can bring him back, though. Ma'am, you see this lab coat? Yes. You see the name embroidered on the heart? Yes. You see the little identifier in front of the name? Yes. Doctor? I was confused. Your first name is not Doctor. This is... No, it is. Doctor Doctor. Now you got it.

[00:11:45] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Baby, what should we name him? He's so beautiful. Our first child. How about Doctor? I love it. I love it. Okay. Everybody's going to respect that. Let's just... Here's the thing. You've got to set your children up for success. Absolutely. Like, just name them. We're going to name our next child veterinarian. Oh, that's perfect.

[00:12:09] Rob Howe: All right, baseball camp, first day. Let's introduce ourselves to each other. I'm going to read down the roster and the positions. All right, I got catcher, David. Yeah. I got, wait, there's two Davids? Yeah, we're both catchers. That's right. Okay, all right. Got to have two catchers on the team. Yeah. All right, first base. Can't have too many. Doctor.

[00:12:30] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yeah, that's me.

[00:12:33] Rob Howe: Let me just get a good look at you. Are you sure you're a doctor?

[00:12:38] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: That's my name.

[00:12:41] Rob Howe: All right, well, you seem powerful. You're going to bat first, too, then. Put your first in the lineup. I've never played baseball before. That's all right. Figure it out. You're a doctor. David and I, we've been working really hard at batting. Maybe we should go first? Listen, David M., David C. is going to be just fine in second position on the bat, and you're going to be third, and some people think that's best to be third. I don't know. Have you studied as much baseball science as me? Have you read Moneyball, son? No, I'm in sixth grade. It is on a fourth grade reading level, son. Don't give me excuses now. I'm going to make you run on that baseline. You like that? No. We're in a basketball arena now. There's a baseline here.

[00:13:27] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: This is a very weird... This is a very poor school.

[00:13:30] Rob Howe: Yeah, it is a poor school. And you know what's even more poor? Your attitude, doctor. I thought you were supposed to be a leader. I'm going to go in my office and stew on this for a while. I'm going to think about this all day. Got my day off start on the wrong foot. I took my vitamins this morning. You messed up my mojo.

[00:13:49] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: It's just my name.

[00:13:51] Rob Howe: Well, you should have thought of that. You should have thought of that before you signed up on this team under doctor. All right, I'm slamming this door.

[00:14:02] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I feel like we're ill-prepared to play baseball with two catchers and a doctor.

[00:14:07] Rob Howe: This just doesn't seem to make a team. I think there's supposed to be six more of us. At least.

[00:14:12] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I've never played baseball before. Why are you here? I just wanted to do normal things. I'm tired of playing with my brother veterinarian, you know? That sounds like a real hard line. Look, all I know about baseball is that there's at least eight innings and that there is at least a catcher. And I was like, well, all I know to do is be extra prepared and add another catcher in there because it's the only position I know in baseball.

[00:14:40] Rob Howe: I thought it was a good idea. I don't run very much, so I thought I could do it pretty well.

[00:14:45] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I miss the coach. He was like,

[00:14:49] Rob Howe: Beep, clear. I got to use it now. You got to let me use this defibrillator.

[00:14:54] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: this man's gonna die a random girl runs in and smacks the defibrillator into the trash can

[00:14:59] Rob Howe: don't use that wait what this hospital is super open and we believe in all types of medicine but

[00:15:06] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: this is outrageous i need to save this guy you can't use that it's not organic

[00:15:13] Rob Howe: okay well i need to give me some smelling salts and make them organic we're gonna wake this guy up here i have him in my satchel take them he reminds me of somebody somebody i knew once somebody who was real hard on me he's not responding come on coach wake up wake up coach you gotta let me frib him

[00:15:37] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I can't I watched a defibrillator accident once wait describe it somebody had a gluten allergy and they used a defibrillator and then he died he died of anaphylactic shock that's what happens when you have celiac disease You can't defibrillate someone with celiacs They're not organic and vegan Whatever, I'm not a scientist Anyway, don't do it Clearly this little girl knows what she's talking about, Doctor She's seen a documentary I watched one

[00:16:05] Rob Howe: Well, I haven't seen this one, so I could be missing something I'm willing to admit that It was called WebMD, the documentary Hi, I just wanted to check back How's my husband? Is he okay? He's dead! He's dead, Doctor, Doctor We haven't pronounced him yet He's totally dead to you. You should just leave this hospital. There's no hope. She seems really convincing, and like she knows what she's talking about, Doctor. Maybe you should just pronounce him dead. Would that make you happy, ma'am? No, it would not make me happy. My husband would be dead, but this woman seems very convincing, and I know you have fancy degrees, but I feel like I should listen to her. There's a reason that Marsha is our chief of surgery.

[00:16:47] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yes. Don't use the frivolators on people, pour granola on their bodies. Have you tried pouring granola on his body, Dr. Doctor? Have you tried, Doctor?

[00:16:58] Rob Howe: I admit we have more paths to go down, more treatment opportunities.

[00:17:03] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Because this woman seems like she's in a real rush

[00:17:06] Rob Howe: to declare her husband dead. I just want a decision to be made. All right, one way or the other, we're going to get him out of here, covered in granola or not. Please do. Please do.

[00:17:18] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Time of death when somebody pulled out

[00:17:26] Rob Howe: Okay, how about a suggestion from the audience? Of anything? Anything at all? Sunshine.

[00:17:35] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Sunshine.

[00:17:37] Scriven Bernard: This one time I got really sunburned. Like, obscenely sunburned. And then went to a spa where they put your feet in a bowl full of fish. and then the fish like bite your feet yeah it's the thing so they like they like eat the dead skin off yeah yeah but but my wait what yeah it's real it's a real thing uh and then my feet were so sunburned that the fish like drew blood and then got real piranha like wait so you mean so you you gave some fish their first taste of blood and yeah i think they probably had to flush all those fish afterwards they're probably no good for not safe for human use anymore but that that's not diabetes related but that really when he said sunshine i went sunburned and i went to that so that's that's

[00:18:26] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: what, I got, Scriven, are you okay i i can't believe you'd walk in a place that said we're gonna put blood drinking fish in a bowl and you're gonna put your feet in there and it's gonna it was a big selling point it seemed really cool in all fairness they're not supposed to draw blood oh right they're They're not supposed to really hurt you. Okay. I'm just going to need you to take your shirt off and just sit in this chair and relax. We're going to get you ready.

[00:18:53] Rob Howe: Okay. I haven't been here before. This is all new to me.

[00:18:59] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: It's fine. The process is just really soothing. You're going to have a seat here. I'm going to rub oil all over your skin, and then I'm going to bring a grizzly bear in from the back. Wait. Wait. I'm sorry. Wait a second. Wait a second. What?

[00:19:14] Rob Howe: A real live grizzly bear? A live grizzly bear. How is this supposed to exfoliate me?

[00:19:20] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: How does it not? They have claws and teeth. Duh. Anyway. Nancy, are we ready for this? I got four other appointments this afternoon. I gotta hurry. Hi, this is the bear, Randy. I want you to say hi.

[00:19:36] Rob Howe: Hey, Randy, V, do you mind if I just have a moment here? Listen, I... Do you want a moment with me or a moment alone? A moment with the manager of this... Massage envy? Yes. Yes.

[00:19:52] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Randy, go back scrape on that tree outside. I'm sorry. All right. I'll take five smoke and a tree break. Good. Okay. Look, he's fine. Just don't make any sudden movements and you'll keep all your limbs.

[00:20:04] Rob Howe: I don't really understand how I'm not supposed to make sudden movements if I'm covered in oil and a bear is scratching and biting me.

[00:20:10] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Have you ever had a massage before? You stay still.

[00:20:14] Rob Howe: I've never had a massage before. I was led to believe that it would be very different than this.

[00:20:19] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Okay, well, you can't believe everything you see online, can you now?

[00:20:24] Rob Howe: All right, I'm back. The trees in the back didn't have time to grow in the off-season because I'm a domesticated bear, so I can't eat enough to hibernate for more than three months. It's a real sad truth of a domesticated bear's life.

[00:20:39] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Randy lives a sad, terrible life. It's awful.

[00:20:41] Rob Howe: But I'm a pro. I'm a professional. So can we get this done? I have a lot more appointments.

[00:20:45] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Let's do it. Now get on that. Get in that chair.

[00:20:48] Rob Howe: Okay. Okay. We got a guy.

[00:20:49] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: He wants to still wear shorts. Okay. That's fine.

[00:20:52] Rob Howe: He said undressed to my comfort level. This is what I'm comfortable with.

[00:20:56] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I'm going to lube you up with this oil and I'm going to spray this on you. It's the smell of meat. Don't worry about it. It's just that Randy gets distracted and we just want to make sure that he keeps his focus on you.

[00:21:05] Rob Howe: I can't even tell you what your comfort level is. I was born with all my clothes that I'll ever wear. I have no concept of nakedness. You are a real live bear. My wife said that this was supposed to be really soothing. What's your wife's name? Cynthia. Oh, Cynthia Nixon. Yeah, she comes in all the time. Oh, I know her, yeah. She's one of my favorite customers. Cynthia's great. Say hello for me. Okay, so you've seen Cynthia before. Oh, we have. Oh, of course. She's not as bashful as you, but we've seen her. Wait, hold on. I'm sorry. What is that supposed to mean? Well, Mr. Shorts. Sorry, I assume your name's probably Nixon. Since you're Cynthia's husband.

[00:21:50] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yes, Mr. Shorts Nixon. We can't get Cynthia to keep her clothes on long enough when she walks in that door. She's just like, where's Randy at? And just rips him off and just gets on the table. Her comfort level is prehistoric. It's like 100%.

[00:22:04] Rob Howe: This seems really inappropriate. I thought she just came here to relieve stress. I'm a professional!

[00:22:12] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Look, you're really, really being judgmental of another species right now.

[00:22:20] Rob Howe: I'm very sorry. What did I ever do to you, Mr. Guy, who's lived his whole life into his 40s without getting a massage? I just don't normally like other people to touch me. Well, he's not a people, is he? Let me get my paws on you. We'll change you around. Oh, my God. Come here. Just come here. That's right. Oh, wow. You haven't had a chiropractic adjustment either. No. Oh, look at that. Spinal alignment. You're going to love that. That's going to be great for you. My sinuses are clear now. Breathe in that air. That comes from the pine sap that's in my coat. You should get outside more. Randy, I... You seem like you work in IT, maybe at a desk all the time. I do, absolutely. Who says this bear doesn't know what he's talking about? Am I a pro or what? Smell this pine cone. Randy, you are a pro. This is fantastic. I'm going to let my wife know that... Come in for a couples massage. It'll be a good time. Absolutely. Rate me five stars on TripAdvisor. All right, I've got to go to my next appointment. Okay, I'll see you later. First, I need a cigarette. Okay, good to meet you. All right, all right.

[00:23:39] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Look, now, that wasn't as bad as it seemed, as it wasn't it.

[00:23:44] Rob Howe: No, no, not at all. Not at all. This is really wonderful. Do you all have, like, a rewards program?

[00:23:53] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: We do. When you get three stars, you get a stomping on your back by a giraffe. It's great.

[00:24:00] Rob Howe: Oh, my God. Yeah. That sounds wonderful. Do you have a towel, though, that I seem to be bleeding a little bit?

[00:24:08] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: You are completely mauled.

[00:24:10] Rob Howe: Yes, absolutely. Well, I had been out in the sun a little bit. I got a little sunburned.

[00:24:15] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yeah, no, Randy got real excited. It's the smell of meat. It just does it to him, you know. That's it. You'll survive it. I have a stitch kit.

[00:24:23] Rob Howe: Okay.

[00:24:24] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: You know, I'm glad that you trust us now.

[00:24:29] Rob Howe: I do. I I'm gonna go I'm gonna go let more people know about Massage Envy and you know next time I'm here Maybe I'll take my shorts off too scene We're gonna do we're gonna do one more I think But before I do I want to thank Dallas Comedy House for making this evening happen in support of JDRF it's not often that you get a place in your community that's as special as this one that lets you come in and kind of direct what you're going to do from a fundraiser perspective, take it from an idea to full execution, so thanks Amanda Austin, Dallas Comedy House, David Allison on tech back there for everything that they've done today alright let's take one last audience suggestion and then we'll do one more

[00:25:20] Audience / Unclear: Salamander

[00:25:21] Rob Howe: oh wow, Salamander was a suggestion I hope someone has a really vivid salamander story.

[00:25:27] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Definitely can't connect that to diabetes in no way. Oh, is that you? No, no, I thought Lindsay had something. No, no, I'm saying I can't connect salamander. I have a say. Oh, you can't go, go. Yeah, I can actually. So I can't wait to hear the first time that I went to diabetes camp whenever I was 11, I think. there was a so the reason that salamander made me think of it is because there was like a creek and I remember them saying that there were like crawfish and salamanders and stuff in it and so like I just wanted to see one the entire time but the salamander isn't the high point of the story. The high point of the story is the fact that when I got there they usually at diabetes camps they have like a doctor on staff usually and or a nurse practitioner or somebody and the doctor that was there was a guy that didn't like my actual doctor very much which I don't think led to his actions, but like, so I get there, and at the time I was on shots, I didn't have an insulin pump or anything yet, and I had this particular regimen of insulin, and as soon as I get there, he looks it over, and just goes, we're changing this, and just like adjusted, so I had long-acting and short-acting insulin and everything, adjusted all of it, and my blood sugars just went out of whack, and I was 11 years old, and I started like crying at one point, and this nurse like looked at me at one point, and was like, oh, are you crying for your mom? And I was like... So long story short, my first diabetes camp experience was horrendous. Yeah, but I had fun playing all of the games.

[00:27:02] Rob Howe: Great. We cut to a family's first time at family therapy. Alright, so thank you all for coming today.

[00:27:12] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yep, didn't want to be here. I'm not talking first. I refuse to speak first.

[00:27:19] Rob Howe: Carl, don't be shy now. You're the oldest boy, the only child. But feel free to contribute. Well, when we're at home over dinner, I just think it's weird that they won't look at each other. Let me stop you right there. Stop parenting in the back seat? You don't know. It's hard, Carl. It's hard.

[00:27:53] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yeah, it's very hard. You don't have kids, and you may never.

[00:27:58] Rob Howe: How would you even know where to begin?

[00:28:00] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Have you ever looked into your mother's eyes for longer than three seconds? She steals your soul.

[00:28:05] Rob Howe: No, let's focus on that, Dan.

[00:28:06] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Okay, I don't have a soul because you took it.

[00:28:10] Rob Howe: Whoops. Is that true?

[00:28:12] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I just want to be clear that I don't mean that in a romantic way.

[00:28:16] Rob Howe: I don't know how that would be romantic. Wait, I've got to go back to my previous notes to see if that... Cynthia, that's inconsistent. Two sessions ago you said he did take it romantically. See, she's lying.

[00:28:31] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: She always lies. I don't always lie. Sometimes she tells you she's going to get the peanut butter that has sugar in it, and sometimes she gets the natural crap. I don't really like the natural peanut butter.

[00:28:42] Rob Howe: I have a peanut allergy. Let me stop you right there. Are you a doctor? No, you're not a doctor. No. How would you even know if you're allergic to anything? Because I stopped breathing. Carl, if you want to be a man, you suffer through the peanut butter.

[00:28:56] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I told you this. Sometimes we're a little short, and it's peanut butter sandwiches for dinner. You have to deal with that, like an adult.

[00:29:05] Rob Howe: I feel like ramen could be just as inexpensive, and instead we're... Wait, hold on. Let me stop you right there. I don't know where you get off thinking that ramen is inexpensive. how do you even know math at this point show me your degree in economics I'm still in I'm still in 8th grade but

[00:29:25] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: point taken so you've never done the grocery shopping have you and you've never made it all the way through a spoonful of peanut butter either so you don't get to talk these days I feel like the only thing your father and I can agree on is that you should talk less agreed I love you again

[00:29:39] Rob Howe: I think we're making a lot of progress here this is good steps for the family

[00:29:43] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I want to make eye contact with you right now. Oh, my God. I'm going to go for four seconds this time. Okay, wait, hold on. I have to do my exercises.

[00:29:50] Rob Howe: Do we need to give you guys some space?

[00:29:51] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Yeah, I got to do my exercises.

[00:29:54] Rob Howe: Come here, Junior. Let's go outside.

[00:29:56] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Okay.

[00:30:00] Rob Howe: You got to give your parents some space, man. What the fuck's wrong with you? I just, I like our other therapist more. This is really weird. Where do you get off? Do you even know what you're asking? Stop making me look bad. Are you ready to look at each other?

[00:30:14] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I'm almost ready. I got to stretch out my glutes. Hold on. I'm working on it. Oh, big face, little face. Big face, little face. Big face.

[00:30:24] Rob Howe: Look at all the progress they're making without you. This is great, but they're terrible to me. And you were encouraging it. And my other therapist has us on a very strict regimen of communication. And it seems to be working very well. Awful. It does not work. You wouldn't be in here if it worked. Be the pigeon. Be the pigeon. Flap your wings. Flap your wings. I'm almost ready.

[00:30:46] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Better get it. Better get it.

[00:30:49] Rob Howe: I can't think of anything more healthy than you guys coming here more often. I don't think it's. It doesn't seem. Stop thinking.

[00:30:56] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: Okay. Ready? Look up. We're going to go back in there right now. Three, two, one. Go. Oh, what is that light coming out of your pupils? Dementor.

[00:31:09] Rob Howe: I think I've seen a lot today. Dad? Dad? See, this is progress. Now we're calling each other Dad. Dad, are you okay?

[00:31:19] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I don't have a soul anymore.

[00:31:22] Rob Howe: Dad?

[00:31:22] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: I've never had one. I hate you again. I hate you again. You know what? Did you notice we're fine until he comes in the room?

[00:31:32] Rob Howe: Let's focus on that for a minute. I think we make a lot of progress when we get on those feelings.

[00:31:39] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: We were doing great until this child came into the room.

[00:31:43] Rob Howe: that came out of your womb

[00:31:44] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: that you put in there, okay? That's correct.

[00:31:47] Rob Howe: We haven't talked about where this came from yet, so I'm really confused about how I got in there. Oh. Oh, God. Talk about that with your other therapist. I don't have time for you.

[00:31:58] Scriven Bernard, Lindsay Power & Eric Van Leeuwen: When a man and a woman do tequila shots on their three-year anniversary... Oh, God. ...sometimes they have babies nine months later. That's good, right? Yeah, with magic. With magic. Yeah, magic. With magic. you get it now?

[00:32:15] Rob Howe: are we doing this every are we doing this every day at family camp? funny thing is time's up