Diabetics Doing Body Positivity with Rebecca Ryan

[00:00:00] Rob Howe: Welcome to the Diabetics Doing Things podcast. We're back with new episodes in 2017 telling the amazing stories of type 1 diabetics across the world. I'm your host, Rob Howe, and if you'd like to get involved with Diabetics Doing Things, all you have to do is shoot me an email or reach out via Instagram. Hey everyone, before we get started, I just wanted to say thank you for listening. We had a great first year of the podcast, but none of it would have been possible without you and your support. I love getting messages, emails, and comments from type 1 diabetics all over the world. It really makes my day. So keep sharing, searching, and commenting, and I'll keep tracking down the people behind the amazing type 1 stories out there. Now, let's get back to the episode. All right, welcome back to another episode of Diabetics Doing Things. I'm your host, Rob Howe, and we're back for 2017. And our guest is from Wellington, New Zealand, is Rebecca Ryan. Rebecca, thanks so much for coming on the show.

[00:00:59] Rebecca Ryan: Thanks for having me. This is exciting.

[00:01:01] Rob Howe: Yeah, this is exciting. I think you and I met very recently on Instagram, and I'm really glad that we were able to make some time today to do the interview.

[00:01:11] Rebecca Ryan: Yeah, same. Yeah, Instagram's amazing. I've just sort of recently discovered a whole new community of people on there, and it's awesome. I'm really enjoying sort of connecting with people from all over the world with diabetes.

[00:01:23] Rob Howe: It's great, isn't it? And I think, you know, when I meet up with different type 1 diabetics, everyone always says how surprised they are about how supportive and inclusive the community is. And I think I'm definitely I've definitely experienced that. And I think, you know, it's a great resource for people who are looking for information or just people to talk to. It's just really fantastic.

[00:01:46] Rebecca Ryan: That's amazing. Yeah, I'm really enjoying it. I've only just recently kind of started getting to know a few people on there. and I mean I don't actually have many people in my real life that I know with diabetes so it is actually really nice to talk to people even though they're kind of all over the world.

[00:02:03] Rob Howe: Well that's a good that's a good point not everybody has access to people who have experience with type 1 diabetes and I think that can be instrumental in you know how you live your life after diagnosis so do you want to talk a little bit about how you got diagnosed and sort of how

[00:02:20] Rebecca Ryan: old you were and what were the circumstances around that? Yeah, so I've had diabetes, type 1 diabetes for just over seven years now. I was 19. I was in my first year of university and was just sort of wrapping up for the year really and it was the end of year exams and I all of a sudden, you know, had the classic symptoms. I was really tired, dehydrated, drinking lots of water, that whole vicious cycle, you know, not really sure what was going on. And it was just sort of, it had been such an interesting year for me as my first year away from home. I had, you know, just been kind of making my way in the world a little bit and didn't really know what was going on, to be honest. I thought, you know, it was the end of the exams, maybe I was studying too hard, pushing myself a little bit. I probably wasn't, I wasn't actually studying that hard. So I knew that that probably wasn't what was happening. And yeah, I was just, I was really struggling. And then, you know, talking to my parents, my friends, and eventually they sort of said, you know, you need to go and go to a doctor and see what's happening here. And even then, it wasn't that straightforward. I was sort of in and out of doctor's offices. They thought I was pregnant and I definitely was not pregnant. I had eyesight checks. I had all sorts of, yeah, all sorts of different tests for various different things. And yeah, then eventually I had another appointment and I, because I was struggling with study and all of that, I just had a big can of energy drink and that just shot my sugars right up. And so So I was rushed into hospital, and I think they were about 40. That's in our New Zealand system. I'm not sure what you guys worked on.

[00:04:16] Rob Howe: That is a big difference, and I think mainly in the UK versus the US, and it's very similar to the metric system versus the English system. We just do things a little bit different over here.

[00:04:28] Rebecca Ryan: Yeah, so here it's supposed to be between 4 and 8, so 40 was a little bit elevated.

[00:04:34] Rob Howe: Wow, that's a little bit up there.

[00:04:38] Rebecca Ryan: Yeah, so I spent that night in hospital in Dunedin. I was at Otago University. And, yeah, I mean, I was really lucky. I was at a hall of residence and I saw sort of living in dorm rooms and I had a lot of amazing friends who were there for me that night. But, yeah, I mean, I didn't know what diabetes was. I mean, I kind of had a reasonable idea of what diabetes was, but I couldn't have told you the difference between type 1 and type 2 or even, you know, the purpose of the pancreas. I have no idea. So, yeah, I guess then that sort of kicked everything off and I was all of a sudden hit with all sorts of information and, yeah, sort of overwhelmed a little bit but kicked off what's been an interesting seven years.

[00:05:27] Rob Howe: I think it's an interesting journey, I think, just looking at how it changes the way you live day-to-day life, right? And it's also interesting that you had to go for some time, it sounds like, from the first time you went into the doctor to get checked out to the time you were actually diagnosed. How long of a period of time was that?

[00:05:48] Rebecca Ryan: It was probably, I mean, a few weeks, I guess. I was, yeah, I went home to, my hometown was a few hours away from where I was studying. um so yeah between there and home um I was traveling up and down to see you know my my GP and um and Gore and then back to Dunedin to the hospital there and yeah it was a couple of sort of fairly uncertain weeks and you know when they start testing for um sort of some fairly rare and odd um you know other other things that it could have been um it becomes a pretty stressful situation doesn't it yeah yeah well and at the same time I was still I was finishing my first year exams and needing to pass uni. And so that sort of threw another spanner in the works.

[00:06:35] Rob Howe: And talking about that as well, being, you know, at that age after your first year off at university, 19 years old, what was it like for you adjusting your lifestyle? You know, once you had, you know, been diagnosed, you mentioned that you had really supportive people living with you in your residence

[00:06:53] Rebecca Ryan: hall what were those conversations like well it was interesting actually because a lot of the students at my hall were studying medicine so they went oh my god like why didn't we see these symptoms you know we're studying to be doctors and we didn't pick up on that um so to be honest they're actually just really fascinated by the whole thing and um i spent a lot of time sort of I ended up flitting with them the next year, and they found it all quite fascinating, really. You know, they would guess what my blood sugar would be before meals and just kind of generally watch what I was doing. And they were learning about this sort of stuff at uni.

[00:07:34] Rob Howe: So you sort of became a little bit of a science experiment.

[00:07:38] Rebecca Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. I think at one stage they had to, like, inject themselves, not with insulin, but just practice, you know, finding injection sites. and that's the thing is they were quizzing me about that and um so I mean that was that was quite good actually to have them around and um it kind of kept me on track for the for the first year at least because um they were they were watching me right it's kind of nice to have a

[00:08:02] Rob Howe: team full of uh people who are concerned about you but also might be experts one day and what

[00:08:07] Rebecca Ryan: you're going through yeah I mean it was it was hard though I mean because I was you know wanting to live the student life like everyone else was. And I guess drinking is a big part of that, going out, you know, just sort of finding your way in the world a little bit. And so to be hit with this disease, I guess, was a bit of a struggle. Yeah.

[00:08:31] Rob Howe: So just knowing, you know, what's safe and what's not and how to monitor, talk about that process a little bit. Was it, and, you know, having the support of your friends,

[00:08:39] Rebecca Ryan: I'm sure was a big part of it. Yeah, it was. And it was hard as well. I know my parents really struggled to kind of, yeah, know that I was out there doing it by myself, you know, away from home. And yeah, I mean, I probably initially didn't really help myself or look after myself as much as I could because I didn't want it to sort of define me or change anything about my lifestyle. So, yeah, I probably could have had better control and, you know, just looked after myself a little bit better. I mean, yeah, I didn't go off the rails or anything, but yeah, I certainly didn't want it to take over my life.

[00:09:29] Rob Howe: Um, and I think that's an important part of, you know, every type 1's journey, right? Is that you have those things in your life that are really important that you want to keep doing. And, uh, you don't want to make the disease define you. You want to sort of find your way, uh, outside of the disease. And that's a lot about what diabetics doing things is about is outside of what you deal with on a day-to-day basis with your type 1 diabetes. Um, what are the things that you're passionate about and the things that you do. So for you, what did you focus on? What were those areas where you said, I really want to do this and I really want to not be limited by my diabetes?

[00:10:10] Rebecca Ryan: Well, I mean, I guess I always have been quite fiercely independent. So I haven't wanted to, yeah, let it hold me back from anything. I've always been really active, really sporty. I play tennis, netball, basketball Yeah, and so I've always I've tried to keep those up, I guess I also love musical theatre So, and that was a struggle actually Really, you know, having to be on stage And be singing and acting And in this really intense environment And not wanting to go low or go high And trying to balance that was definitely difficult

[00:10:52] Rob Howe: I imagine there were some backstage blood sugar checks during between acts or how did that work

[00:11:00] Rebecca Ryan: yeah for sure and then kind of rushing off and stuffing my face with sugar if I needed it to then just rush back on stage yeah it was definitely it's been hard to kind of get that balance right

[00:11:21] Rob Howe: and tell me a little bit more about your musical theater background you know is that something that you you still do or is that just something that you know when you were younger and right as you

[00:11:31] Rebecca Ryan: were diagnosed that was a big part of your life yeah it's always been quite a big part of my life I mean I was I was actually probably growing up quite shy and I think that's why my mom pushed me into doing musical theater because I needed a bit of a confidence boost so I started doing speech and drama lessons and um and and sort of followed that process right through so now um i'm a qualified speech and drama teacher um and just working on a few extra qualifications at the moment by distance uh to be able to to be able to do that um on the side of what i actually do um it's not a full-time job or anything for me um but yeah i've always enjoyed being in musicals and plays and performances. And it was when I moved to, after I graduated from university, I moved to a small town in New Zealand and got involved in sort of amateur theatre there and landed a few lead roles and shows and, yeah, just it's a great sort of environment. I love being on stage, but, I don't know, even more so in small towns. you go on this journey when you're doing musical theater um and no one's getting paid to do it everyone's just doing it um because they love it and you spend so much time with these people for you know a good six months to put on a show sometimes and they become well you sometimes see them more than your actual family and they become kind of your your second family and um yeah i just i love that whole vibe it's it's awesome it's so much fun we have a very similar

[00:13:09] Rob Howe: thing here in Dallas at Dallas Comedy House. So I'm involved in an improv comedy theater and community. And we actually now have six type 1 diabetics who have just randomly met each other through the theater. So we're going to do a big diabetics only show later on this year to raise money for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, which is which is big here in the US. I'm not sure if it's this big in New Zealand, but, um, yeah, it's, it's been really interesting that, uh, just by random sheer happenstance that six of us are all in the same theater together. And like you said, it's a very small, uh, like close knit environment. Nobody gets paid for it. It's very, uh, you know, just doing it for the love. So it's, uh, kind of cool to share those passions and also have, uh, you know, I even, uh, loaned some insulin to one of my, uh, one of my friends because her insurance was delaying her ability to get insulin. And so, um, you know, it's, it's interesting when you start to meet other friends in the community, you're, you know, how your resources sort of expand and you get that extra support, not, not just from your friends who love what you love, but also who know what you're going through. Oh, it's amazing. So, uh, let's talk a little bit more about, you know, as, as you were getting comfortable sort of living your life with type 1, was there a particular moment where you're like, you know what, I can really do this. I can, I can, I'm bigger than low blood sugars. I'm bigger than high blood sugars. And I'm gonna, you know, press on and really, you know, find my feet.

[00:14:53] Rebecca Ryan: I think I'm gonna have lost your look.

[00:14:56] Rob Howe: looks like we're having a little bit i'm here i we're having a little bit of a connection issue but um hang tight for a one minute okay i think we i think we're good

[00:15:10] Rebecca Ryan: okay we're good um yeah well it has to be honest it's taken longer than i really expected to get to a point in my life where I'm actually comfortable with my diabetes and management. Yeah, I mean, I've gone through a few years probably battling with a bit of an eating disorder associated with diabetes, which was really difficult. You know, I guess you get diagnosed, and theoretically it seems simple. You know, test your blood sugars. You know, count your carbs and inject yourself with insulin accordingly. You know, in theory, that seems simple. But for me, I guess I started to have a few issues with it because I gained a lot of weight when I first got diagnosed. And I had always been that skinny girl. And, you know, I'd always been active and I'd never had any issues with my weight before. And then all of a sudden, you know, it's on your mind constantly. food, insulin, everything. And for me, I sort of started to associate insulin with weight gain. And then that led to a really sort of heavy internal battle for me to be wanting to inject myself with insulin when I kind of, it almost felt like, you know, I was injecting myself with fat. And it was, I probably went, I kind of went to a bit of a weird dark place really with that whole kind of mental struggle. But we've got a really, the New Zealand sort of health system has a really good team. And I, through, you know, my hospital visits, they put me onto a clinical psychologist who I went to see once a week. And that was awesome. That was really, really helpful for me just to, you know, realise that there aren't any bad and good numbers. And, you know, if you want to live a long and healthy life, you have to just get on with it. You know, it's not the end of the world. If you have a high blood sugar, just, you know, inject yourself with insulin, manage it, move on. So probably for a good sort of three years, maybe, that was a bit of I had a few up and downs with that. but yeah and it really only has been kind of the last year honestly that I kind of said to myself right you know you need to you need to move on from this and you need to just do what you need to do to live a healthy life I don't know what I feel like maybe I was waiting for something bad to happen that would really kick me in the ass so I would go okay right sweet let's move on from this, let's, you know, but it didn't, like I was always, yeah, I mean, who knows what will happen in the long run with me and whether sort of a few years of poor control will lead to any complications. I guess that's just nothing so far, so that's good, but yeah, I actually moved to Wellington just under a year ago, and a new job, a new city and it was kind of just a chance for me to to start fresh and really prioritize my health and um you know I've been really lucky I've got a great personal trainer um I have just sort of yeah been really focused on my nutrition and um the mental battle isn't so bad anymore and it's been yeah it's been a good year I'm feeling really good with where I am right now well you hit on a

[00:19:05] Rob Howe: couple of really, really important points. And I think, you know, it's hard enough for, you know, growing up and living anyway, and then you throw diabetes into that mix, along with all the ups and downs of high blood sugar and low blood sugar, and then the emotional response with each, because it can be pretty taxing. And, you know, not to mention, you know, insulin is a depressant. So, you know, the more insulin you're taking, and, you know, sometimes you'll have low days, or you're just not feeling like yourself. And, you know, sometimes other medication that you've got to take alongside it, whether, you know, for, you know, different affective, you know, disorders or things that come along with diabetes in the endocrine system. And I think, you know, you start to realize it's like, wow, this is a lot of stuff. And I think what you mentioned as well about, it's not just about one high blood sugar or, you know, one low blood sugar and that being the end of the world, but, you know, just really trying to promote, you know, positive, healthy lifestyle, you know, as much as you can on a day-to-day basis. And then, you know, kind of moving forward. What do you, you said you'd had a great year. Yeah. Sorry, go ahead.

[00:20:18] Rebecca Ryan: Oh, sorry. I thought I lost you for a little bit there. What was, what were you saying? Sorry.

[00:20:23] Rob Howe: I was saying, you know, you mentioned that you moved back to Wellington and that, you know, you've got a personal trainer and that you're really feeling, you know, really positive about where you're at now. What are some of the changes that you made? How did you either, you know, actual like changes or just in your mindset or your approach? Just talk a little bit about that journey.

[00:20:47] Rebecca Ryan: um i guess one of the the biggest things has been not actually focusing on the number on the on the scales um and and that actually translates into you know how i deal with seeing my blood sugar since i've been up here um i've lost you know more than 10 body fat but looking at the scales my weight is still the same so and and for a start I was going oh my god you know I'm doing all this hard work and and um and if I was just looking at the at the number on the scale that's kind of discouraging but you know I've I've built I've built a whole lot of muscle lost a whole lot of fat so actually if you look at photos um comparing you know me this time last year to now um the difference is is actually quite awesome um and I'm really happy with with where I'm at but um That's been, yeah, it's just sort of changing my mindset a little bit and focusing on just being healthy and not necessarily, yeah, and putting less sort of weight on actual body image, which is hard. And these days, you know, social media and, yeah, following all of these people that look incredible and lead these seemingly amazing lives on Instagram and Facebook. And, yeah, my personal trainer as well, he's kind of been really fascinated by diabetes. He hasn't known that much about it, but he's learnt a little bit more about that sort of thing, and he's really supportive. Actually, I don't know, did you follow him on Instagram, Phil Graham? the diabetic muscle health. I just thought of his book and finding it really interesting to read about specifically building muscle, losing fat with diabetes.

[00:22:41] Rob Howe: Yeah, I've seen some of his stuff. I have not read his book, but I follow him on Instagram. And obviously, you know, he, you know, his bodybuilding journey, I think is really important for a lot of diabetics. And I know he's inspired a ton, a ton of people in that world and really giving a lot of people hope because exercise is tough with type 1 diabetes. I was a college professional basketball player, and my blood sugar, I would get so stressed out before games, my blood sugar would go up to like 400 without eating anything. It would go from like 100 to 400, which is, I'm guessing, like if 80, it's probably like 70, 65 around there. And so I had no explanation, and I couldn't give myself insulin for it because then I would just crash all the way down and go, you know, really, really low. So, you know, trying to approach, you know, but it was what I love to do and really, you know, calming myself down and finding a new way to get ready. And, you know, it was sort of just a continued challenge. And, you know, the thing that, you know, helped me and really still does, I think, you know, as, as, you know, life is a lot, life is long and it's sort of just appreciating the journey and the things that you learn along the way and, you know, not holding yourself to one number whether it be on a scale or on a meter or wherever

[00:24:02] Rebecca Ryan: yeah and that's the thing I think that's funny um sometimes I would think man like what would my life be like if I didn't have diabetes but for so many reasons like I'm almost not well I'm like I am grateful for it a little bit you know it has made me mentally stronger um It has made me more aware of my nutrition and my health. You know, it's made me ask for help when I'm fiercely independent and don't like doing that. And, you know, for so many different reasons, I kind of am grateful for it. And, you know, I do wonder sometimes, yeah, where I'd be, what my life would be like without it. But honestly, I'm okay with having it now, and I'm really happy with what it's taught me. And, you know, I wouldn't mind if my pancreas actually worked. But I'm just finding myself in such a good place now that I'm not too worried anymore.

[00:25:03] Rob Howe: I think that's something, you know, I think about a lot as well. I just automatically have something in common with a lot of really cool people that I didn't know. You know, I didn't know were out there before. And I guess I did, but I never never really talked to them. and you know so even like this conversation like yeah you know your story is super inspiring and I think um you know thank you for being so open and and honest about you know what it's really like to live day to day with type 1 and having to deal with the you know with positive body image and then doing the things that you love and um that's a really important conversation to have and I think it's you know brave to be able to talk about it but also uh you know somebody may need to hear that. And, you know, somebody out there, it could be exactly what they needed to hear. And even if it's just one person, you know, I think it's worth it. And sure, I want to be cured, you know, really bad. I would love that. I would love to not have diabetes anymore. But then I just have that in common with a bunch of other people who used to have diabetes as well. So I think that's, you know, the community is such a huge part of this. And I'm really, you know, glad that you were able to come on and share that story. Um, so now I've got some fun questions to ask if you want to talk a little bit about that. Um, so, uh, I always ask, uh, do you have any sort of crazy low blood sugar or high blood sugar moments where, you know, something, some sort of funny, you know, wild outrageous story? Oh, probably not actually.

[00:26:36] Rebecca Ryan: um yeah i haven't had too many extremes um you know and my my old flatmate she would laugh if she she heard this because you know she'd often come into the kitchen and i'll be stuffing my face with something and you know make jokes about how you know oh you've got diabetes you can do that and um yeah she'd find me in some fairly compromising positions sometimes like raiding the chocolate chip jar or something at that like you know desperate times no nothing nothing too extreme has actually happened to be honest but i was actually i

[00:27:09] Rob Howe: probably feel pretty lucky no that's good and i think uh you know it's funny you mentioned you know a flatmate or a roommate uh you know those roommates of diabetics have seen some funny stuff like i'm sure me chugging orange juice out of the bottle in the middle of the night is always a strange sight to see if uh you know if somebody were to wake up and see that or i know my uh my housemates in college saw some pretty funny and you know remarkable diabetes low blood sugar stories in their in their time with me um what about uh your supplies uh what do you carry with you what's something you almost never leave the house without uh my supplies well actually i just

[00:27:51] Rebecca Ryan: got a bag from this is more like instagram related sort of connections i just got a bag from Myabetic um and after i found them on instagram and so that's cool it's like an actually kind of nice looking bag um which has my wallet and everything else as well as a like specific diabetes compartment um so i carry around all my bits and pieces and that um and gluco tabs i'm not sure if you get them in the states but um yeah that's kind of my go-to now i always have them on me they just come in a wee tube and um and don't necessarily make me feel bad about sort of you know and that was that was one of the struggles I guess having um you know going low was having to eat and eat sugar and yeah when you've been exercising you're like oh it's just cancelling out what I've done um so yeah I really like these um glucose tabs and I take them everywhere I go so I'm not necessarily feeling guilty about you know eating jelly beans or sugar or anything

[00:28:54] Rob Howe: like that. So yeah, that's my go-to. Yeah. It's always a weird feeling when you're, it's like 7am and you have to chug a Coca-Cola or something. It's like, this is not, this is, I would never do this otherwise if I didn't have to spike my blood sugar up. Yeah. Is there anything, I think, you know, as we sort of, you know, wrap this, the interview up, I mean, I think you've covered so much really great information and, and, you know, thank you so much for telling your story. um you know is there anything that you used to do all the time or maybe you used to eat a lot or or it's something that you do used to do that you never do anymore that's sort of a something that you've left in your in your life before diabetes yeah um not really I mean I guess

[00:29:38] Rebecca Ryan: you just I'm just sort of a bit more conscious of things now um you know I've always led a generally pretty healthy life um yeah I guess you've just got to think about things before you you do them now I don't really I couldn't just sort of eat lots of sugar lots of ice cream and terrible things um yeah there's not I mean yeah again I don't really want it to let me I don't really want diabetes to stop me from doing anything so um I try not to it's just sort of making wiser decisions of being a little bit more conscious about things when you're doing them

[00:30:15] Rob Howe: And in that same sort of vein, if there was one thing that you could tell somebody with diabetes or somebody who was recently diagnosed or go back and tell your younger self, what would you tell them?

[00:30:30] Rebecca Ryan: Yeah, I mean, I'd probably, if I was telling myself something, heading back into where I started really struggling mentally with it, it would be that you're stronger than the ups and downs. You know, other people out there are struggling with the same things as well. And, you know, it wasn't until I actually started looking into what I was doing online and discovered that actually, hey, it's not just me that's crazy. And that's what I think I struggled with is that I thought that I was totally alone in my inability to mentally deal with having diabetes. And then you come across all these other people and just to talk about it, you know, have those conversations. conversations and um reach out to people and um you know you can do it

[00:31:16] Rob Howe: well Rebecca thanks so much for uh for coming on to the show I really appreciate it it was lovely to meet you and I really uh you know you really undersold it you had a great story to tell and uh and I really really really appreciate it I think it's going to be an awesome episode

[00:31:32] Rebecca Ryan: um so uh if if if our thanks for having me um hopefully I gave you some content yeah absolutely

[00:31:39] Rob Howe: And if our listeners want to contact you, where can they find you online?

[00:31:46] Rebecca Ryan: I mean, Instagram is probably my best form of communication on social media. My handle's HelloRebeccaSpeaking, and it's just a bit of a random mix of photos of my life with diabetes, a bit of photography I love photography musical theater, sport just a bit of everything

[00:32:11] Rob Howe: well we will definitely encourage everybody to keep track of you and we will stay in touch via Instagram as well thanks for listening to Diabetics Doing Things subscribe to our newsletter for weekly emails and behind the scenes content and if you or someone you know has an amazing story to share, send an email to rob at